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August 3rd, 2004

Hell week...and purgatory ahead [Aug. 3rd, 2004|11:26 pm]
I'm in the midst of my hell week and I feel the need to rant. The pressure is building. Two final exams are lurking in the near future, and I am about half done with two papers (10 pgs and 7 pgs) that are also due that day. I am reaching the point of sheer lethargy and exhaustion.

All the while, I look ahead to the semester ahead. I'll have a oh-so-short two week break between the hell I am living now and the purgatory that faces me over the following 17 weeks. I checked my textbook requirements for my classes...I already have to purchase 21 books, and thats just for five of my six classes. The last teacher has neglected to list the textbooks for his/her course. So, aside from the 18 credit hours per week, I face countless hours of reading, dozens of papers to write, and the very good possibility that some days, I might have four exams in one day, if not more. Joy-o-rapture.

I have an opportunity to possibly work and make very good money. My hard work in my internship has led to an offer to take the position of IT Director for the entire state campaign. I am waiting until the first week of classes to accept the position to determine whether I can handle the 20 hours per week required of the position, but $10 per hour will be very hard to turn down.

Somewhere amongst all of that misery, I must find time for the finer things in life. Things like eating (nourishment is generally a life-sustaining requirement), showering, using the bathroom, and the occasional sleep. Most importantly, I don't want to ignore those that I love and care about. I've already faced the fact that I won't have the time to be around for everyone, and pretty much am taking the position of disappearing from many people for a few months to avoid losing them in the long run.

I probably will be a very unhappy person at times. Stress does that to me. I feel like it may be in my best interest to just avoid those who will not understand the state of affairs in my life during these months. I'd rather just disappear and come back in December after everything is over than lose them during my time served in purgatory over stupid things. It's not that I want to be alone. Trust me, I don't. I just don't want to lose people. I want support from those who understand and don't want to fight with people who don't get it. Some may not understand this "disappearance" just as they won't understand my life the next few months, but hopefully in the end, they will see my reasons and respect me for it.

Once I get done with this week, I'll have a lot of thinking to do the next two weeks. I have to prepare myself mentally for what is approaching. It may seem that I am fearful of what is to come in my words, but inside, I am relishing the chance. For those of you who have known me for a while, you know how hard I have worked to get where I am. Well, it is finally paying off. The opportunities before me are a culmination of the hard work and relentless persistence that has driven be since December 1998 when I hit rock bottom. The tasks ahead are daunting, but I didn't work for almost six years to slack now and let opportunity pass me by. Plenty of people are given opportunities, but it is those who take advantage of those opportunities who are successful in life. The time has arrived, and I am ready.

Much love to Alina, Laura, Ashley, McKK, Angel, Kirsty and Stephanie.
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